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Well my friend who is a pot head told me that Alcohol was a crutch but my reply was "Really captain herbal-life you just macromade your ass into the sofa and you are telling me that." I mean this person gets so stoned that he could eat kitty litter and say " Man thats crunchy"





my friend sent this to me and i about pissed my self sorry if noboy else finds it funny btu i sure did lol

Ya wanna know what i love patience is what i love why becasue i have alot of it.. ya wanna know what i hate bullshit and people who speak it im very fed up with this he said she said bullshit and if i hear this outta sight outta mind bullshit again ill flip im sick of all the fucking drama in this house and im sick of most of the people still in it when i return i will let everything out that i have been holding back for all these months and ill do it to who i think deserves it and nobody will get in my way im tiered of all the side ways attacks and all the shit talked im done with it and am not goign to deal with it anymore

From:



MyMorbidPinkDreams









00:49:57

Feb 26 2006



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Of course they are going to be more loyal to me, I'm pregnant! I know he won't feed from you sexually because of how dirty you are. You don't think that he talks to me and tells me how you disgust him, how he only hangs out with you because you beg and cry for him to. You are a pathetic human that puts all others to shame. My mate and I share the pain that you have brought to our house!





This was supposedly written by me .. i have a huge fucking problem with thsi for ONE i didnt write it and for TWO i dont apprieciate whoever did this and set me up for it whoever you are it woudl be wise of you to come clean im tiered of this bullshit and of the games i have no time for these stupid ass fuckign games and will not sit here adn deal with this im nto takign a blame that i didnt do so whoever you are go fuck yourself!!! this is not cute this is a sad attempt to try to get soemone in trouble

so many things to think about and so little time to deal with them all.. man i hate stress and i hate stupid drama bullshit an im starting to get a little sick of people not minding there own business .. but its ok i just figure that they have nothing better to do than involve themselves into my private life because they dont have one but oh well what can i say ....i find it rediculous that this big issue was made about a "supposed " test that was un called for and kinda stupid it pissed a few people off but oh well its done and in the past i honestly cannot be upset with the people whoever they were that said something or were loyal as a friend and as a family to me.. but anyhoo enough of that.. not really much else to say just kinda getting some shit out but things are fine now but when i got this new news it really fucked up my day i had , had a good day till i heard that and then it took me a while to just ignore it and say fuck it i cant be pissed i can understand why but i think it was stupid or shouldnt have been about what was said... but ill write more another time im done for now....

im so excited i finally got my doctor to let me have another ultrasound YAY !!!!!!!! so now il get to see him once more before i meet him i cant wait its on tuesday and freakin 8:45 in the morning and its a full bladder one i hate those do they not get how hard it is to hold it for that long ... grr... but oh well my mom told me she would call me to wake me up at 5 so i could go then and then by the time i get to the doctors i wont have to go so bad we hope lol.. but anyhoo now that i have told you all about my bladder and what not i think ill go but just wanted to share the news that i was getting another one done and if i get pics ill put them up :)

these days have been dark and hard for us both but we will make it we are strong .. with mother night on our side nothing can stop us from being where we want to be we must be patient and understanding of eachother and i know things will be fine i love you too much and care too much to give up not after how far we have made it yes its not been easy but still i think your worth it so im willing to do everything i can to make things good for us and i know you are as well oher wise you wouldnt be so stressd otu if you werent trying to get things to where you want them for you , your kids and for us.. i know you are working hard and im proud and am supportign you in your desicions ..



just felt the need to write what was on my mind... not everything but this will be enough for now

well i finally decided to change my profile even though i really loved it but i wanted to see what else i could try well i did some of it and then had to surrender to hand it over ot someone who is much much better than me at that kinda stuff lol but she is teaching me so hopefully one day i wont have to 20 question her on what im supposed ot do lol but shes a big sweetie and helps me sooo much with soo much anyhoo jsut thoguth i would let everyone know hehehe oh by the by if your wondering what wonderful girl im talking about... its my secret hehehe *ill never tell*

Im really confussed.. and im sooo upset it hurts i havent cryed this much in a long time and now the tears just wont stop i felt so stupid tonight and i felt like my son and i were and inconvience that what i wanted or what i thought was right was just getting in the way of other things... i took the insentive to do soemthing and i did and things came out fine but i felt like what i did was wrong or not appreciated at all i just want to help and i want things to be how they should but maybe i should just stop thinking cuz its not getting me real far.. these things should have been done and taken care of a long time ago but like all things not everything gos to plan but still i gave notice 3 months in advanced and now its down to a month and shit is still all up in the air just kinda winging it .. and now things are trying to be done and everythings all messed up and theres so much stress .. what i hate is i knew this would happen thats why i did what i did and thats why i came down so hard 3 months ago and even all threw the three months because i didnt want this .. but oh well its part of life now i just have to go with the flow and hope for a miricale or something because this is alot to take right now and i just dont know what to think or do im lost and hurt and i just dont know anymore... how can i make everything work and be right when nothing seems to be good enough

well i geuss i should be happy .... but yet i am still disapointed.. but oh well like all things this will pass as well i hate how everythign has been making me so upset lately and its such stupid shit but yet it bothers why is that?.. have i lost it, am i crazy?.... i try not to let shit get to me and after i think about it i realize how stupid it is but yet sooner or later it will bother me again its lie i cant get away i cant jsut be happy everythign bothers me everythign makes me upset the only few things that dont and i enjoy dont happen often and that pisses em of too lol wow im sjut one big ball of fucked up emotions but im hoping that this will stop becasue i feel like a damn fool.. i keep thinking about all kinds of things and some make sense to be upset abotu and the others dont thank god for my mother and my few close friends that i trust with out them i would not be as calm as i am but anyhoo enough of that i jsut needed to get soem shit out i feel better now... gettign excited i have a doctors appointment on thursday so hoping things go well i intend on pushing for an ultrasound she said she doesnt liek to have thenm done unless they think theres something wrong but i have plenty of reasons why i want this done and im nto takign no for an answer not this time im gettign to inpatient and too close to havign him i have to know that everythigns ok i have to know all his organs are ok and where they are supposed to be and i want to make sure hes growign right i hav eto knw othese thigns and i have every right to knwo them this is my son...adn if i knwo hes ok ill do better with everythign else im jsut worried about him i mean nothign bad is happening ot me but i jsut have to know i cant jsut not see and not know... but anyhoo ill write more tomorrow or maybe later tonight if i cant sleep

I hate how things are and i hate the people that talk shit and i hate how some people think they are so fuckign great when they are just a sad excuse for life... i will be happy to get the hell outta here again and back where i belong with my family and my mate ... and i swear if soemthing gos wrong or if i have to hear any fucked up shit when i get back im going on a killing spree i have already decided this i have no patience for anybody anymore either they do the things they are told or they will be punished and i dont care if others think im beign harsh or not things need a change and a big wake up call and i intend on seeing it happen if i cant personaly ill find soemone to do it for me im sick and tiered of peoples mouths and im tiered of all the bullshit its goign to stop and be over with ....i know that i am wanted and needed back in va i get enough people tellign me this all the time adn it feels good to know these things because then i knwo jsut how much i mean to these people ... but again things will change i wont have it like last time cuz that shit is gone and is not gonna fly with me at all...

Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and, shall we say, love.



The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly. To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been, there was a hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side. His left foot appeared to have been badly broken at one time and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner.



Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby, striped type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, and even his shoulders. Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one UGLY cat!!!"



All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave. Ugly always had the same reaction.



If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around your feet in forgiveness.



Whenever he spied children, he would come running, meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.



One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbor's dogs. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end.



As I picked him up and tried to carry him home, I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. It must be hurting him terribly, I thought. Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear. Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying, was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring.



Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion. At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.



Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly.



Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful. He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply -- to give my total to those I cared for.



Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, and beautiful -- except for me. I will always try to be Ugly.





Author Unknown

wow today has been so fucked up so far i got a really fucked up call which pissed em off to hear what was said and then i got on here thinking i could blow off some stem and jsut relax of course not i had some messages that were fucked up all in all todays been a little fucked up not one of the best ones ive had..but anyhoo im trying to keep it together and jsut relax there really isnt any reason to get all bent out of shape but anyhoo tomorrow on the 16th il be 33 week so thats somethign better to think about im gettign closer and closer so im gettign excited i already have the hospital bag all ready for when i have to go and i have all his cloths ready and eveythign is pretty much set up have a few thigs left to do but not too much..yesterday was nice i got some really nice calls from my mate which made me feel good and a few from soem other close friends he told me soem really great news so now im really looking forward to going back because now i know ill have a place when i get there so yay a thats good news a good friend of mine has been having some really tough times so things have been hard for her i tlaked ot ehr yesterday and she was very upset so i tryed to make her feel better i did an ok job she laughed a few times so i did what i could but her husbands beign a real dick and he wont watch the baby so she can get out of the house or anything he says shes the woman thats her job the man of the house isnt supposed to do that kinda shit so i told her what she needs to say to him and not put up with his bullshit anymore ..but anyhoo well jst updating a little gettign so things out and makeing myself calm ..

Oh, don't pretend that its right

Don't live with your dreams alone

Girl, at the end of the night

Don't forget the feeling I show

Cause its never enough

Its always so tough

To see what's in your eyes

I can't hide the truth

Can't hold it all back

You make me feel so alive





I'll give you everything I own

Anything you need

Just so we're alone girl, show you how I feel

All you ever want

All you ever need

Just what to give you girl, all my loves for free

All my loves for free



Oh, don't keep it inside

Don't hide the way to your heart

Girl, don't drive me away

Now is the time to start

Cause its never enough

Its always so tough

To see what's in your eyes

I can't hide the truth

Can't hold it all back

You make me feel so alive



This is another one from him except this is one of his songs :) i fall in love with him more and more everyday :)

Things I said were wrong

I've takin' much too long

To say that I, I want you back

Always be near, oh that's a fact

I always keep on trying

I never try to deny it

That I was wrong once before

Give me a chance

I can't take this anymore





I'm counting the days

I'm counting the nights

Till we'll be together

I'm, I'm counting the hours

I'm watching the clock

It seems like forever



Waiting for you now

I keep on wondering how

To win you back

Why can't I dream

It's not as impossible as it seems

I always keep on trying

I never try to deny it

That I was wrong once before

Give me a chance

I can't take this anymore







I haven't seen you for a long, long time

But this moment is what's on my mind

I've waited for you to say

I want you, I need you, got to have you today





This was sent to me from my wonderful mate/babysdaddy isnt he sweet?....

Only Wanna Be With You

You and me, we come from different worlds You like to laugh at me when I look at other girls Sometimes you're crazy and you wonder why I'm such a baby cause the Dolphins make me cry But there's nothing I can do I've been looking for a girl like you You look at me, you got nothing left to say I'm gonna pout at you until I get my way I won't dance, you won't sing I just wanna love you but you wanna wear my ring But there's nothing I can do I only wanna be with you You can call me your fool I only wanna be with you Put on a little Dylan Sittin' on a fence I said, "That line is great," you asked me what it meant by "Said I shot a man named Gray Took his wife to Italy She inherited a million bucks, when she died it came to me" I can't help it if i'm lucky" I only wanna be with you Ain't Bobby so cool I only wanna be with you Yeah I'm tangled up in blue I only wanna be with you You can call your fool Only wanna be with you Sometimes I wonder if it'll ever end You get so mad at me when I go out with my friends Sometimes you're crazy and you wonder why I'm such a baby and the Dolphins make me cry There's nothing I can do I only wanna be with you You can call me your fool I only wanna be with you Yeah I'm tangled up in blue I only wanna be with you Only wanna be with you Only wanna be with you Only wanna be with you.

Hold My Hand

With a little love, and some tenderness We'll walk upon the water We'll rise above this mess With a little peace, and some harmony We'll take the world together We'll take 'em by the hand 'Cause I've got a hand for you 'Cause I wanna run with you Yesterday, I saw you standing there Your head was down, your eyes were red No comb had touched your hair I said get up, and let me see you smile We'll take a walk together Walk the road awhile, 'cause 'Cause I've got a hand for you I've got a hand for you 'Cause I wanna run with you Won't you let me run with you? yeah Hold my hand Want you to hold my hand Hold my hand I'll take you to a place where you can be Hold my hand Anything you wanna be because I wanna love you the best that, the best that I can See I was wasted, and I was wasting time 'Till I thought about your problems, I thought about your crimes Then I stood up, and then I screamed aloud I don't wanna be part of your problems Don't wanna be part of your crowd, no 'Cause I've got a hand for you I've got a hand for you 'Cause I wanna run with you Ah, won't you let me run with you? Hold my hand Want you to hold my hand Hold my hand I'll take you to the promised land Hold my hand Maybe we can't change the world but I wanna love you the best that, the best that I can, yeah Hold my hand Want you to hold my hand Hold my hand I'll take you to a place where you can be Hold my hand Anything you wanna be because I...Oh...No, No, No, No, No Hold my hand Want you to hold my hand Hold my hand I'll take you to the promised land Hold my hand Maybe we can't change the world but I wanna love you the best that, best that I can Oh, The best that I can

YAY!!!! i sold soem things today and i had a lot of fun doign it i couldnt have asked for a better group of women to work with they were all very fun ..so all in all the day was good for business but i still ahve a ways to go but so far things are starting out very good for me ...on a lighter note im not sure if i already wrote about this or not so ill do it anyway while im thinking about it ill be full term on march 16th which will put me at 37 weeks so im gettign real exited that its almost time lol the doctor said anytime after march 16th i coudl pop the baby if he stay to his due date that is always the best but if he comes early he\'ll be fine and ok so ive jsut been preparign for everythign gettign the hospital bag ready and all the things that i will need while im there i also registered for my lamos.. classes a little late but oh well at least ill get the important ones in but its better to go than to not go at all but jsut updateing on whats been going on ..

wow an ever eventful day so far lol i cant sleep and its pissing me off i took a 4 hour nap today around 4 in the after noon and didnt get up till 8 so im awake when i should be in bed i was doing great trying to get on a normal sleep pattern but of course that didnt work...go figure damn nocternal habits..lol...so much to say and not enough time to say it all my mind has been racing for the past 2 days i have so much to do and not enough time to get everything done but oh well im not perfect,...... i can do my best though

how can a man just expect his girl or wife ot do everythign for him an he doesnt even notice he jsut treats her like shit everyday he gets treated bad at work and comes home and takes it out on her treats her the same way but get mad when she wont iron his thigns or didnt have dinner ready when he got home....whats the point if hes jsut goign to inhale then get up and leave not say gee honey that was good or say anythign ,fuck that .... that girl does not deserve that at all nore shoudl she take it but she does becasue she wants things to work so she stays and puts up with the abuse and rejection no i hope she wakes up to whats going on soon and gets out of it because it will never get better it will jsut get worse and he will never realize what he lost till its gone .......i want more than anythign to go see this girl and give him the wake up call of his life im tiered of gettign the late night calls where she cryign like tonight i jsut got off the phone withher adn i said cant sleep she replied not anymore and i asked well why not she says he tryed to flip the mattress with me in it becasue i was touching/laying to close to him and he didnt want me too and all that has been going on is fighting and names calling for the past few weeks well much longer but its getign worse im tiered of it i want him to get a big wake up call im sick of hearign this shit i knwo if i was in the situation i woudl leave i addmit she is really wanting to work thigns out but he doesnt if he wanted to as well this wouldnt be a problem but he feels hes doing nothing wrong that everythings ok ...ummm.. i think not he will pay for what he has done mark my words i wont sit here and have this in my family and i wont have these calls and all this shit to deal with becasue she shouldnt have too and i plan to stop this shit quick fast and in a hurry...





jsut venting im upset over thigns that are hard to fix right now but i will i have to its my sister and i love her to much to see this happen to her.

i went to talk to my nurse today and found out lots of stuff... on march 16th ill be full term so that means he may come early or he may stay in there but its nice to know that .. ill be 37 weeks then i also registered for my lamos classes i did them a little late .. the next ones start march 8th and go until april 12th but the lady said they cover all the important stuff in the first 2 or more clases so it good that i got in when i did other wise it would have been to late lol but yay gettign ready and preparign for the big day finding out all i need to knwo and gettign things ready here at home for when he comes so i have been a little stressed and very tiered but i am excited becasue its soo close these last few months will fly by liek everything else has it fels like forever but it has gone by fast and i cant believe that im almost done lol but ill keep postign all the exciting stuff that i want to share

Mother night hear me...im lost and afraid ... more than anything do i want to stay on the path that i have been heading in ... i dont want to fuck up i cant afford to my mother is having such high hopes right now and i am afraid that i will let her down please help me so i dont. just help me so i can do what i need to do and be great. i am happy where i am at right now just dont let me lose this . i need you and i am hoping you will help me i cant let my mom down and i cant let myself down ... i have to do these things to take care of my son and i dont want to ever not beable to i just need to be stable and have my life in control so if i stay at the pace im going ill be fine. i also am asking you for help with another please help him get where he needs to be as well and please make it we can see eachother this is hard and i need him , i know he is trying but please give him a push help somehow...we need the help .

sorry about all the lyrics but i was listening to these tonight and i jsut had to put them in here i love music and i was board lol but anyhoo jsut explaining ....

chorus:

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut

My weakness is that I care too much

My scars remind me that the past is real

I tear my heart open just to feel



Drunk and I'm feeling down

And I just wanna be alone

I'm pissed cause you came around

Why don't you just go home

Cause you channel all your pain

And I can't help to fix myself

Your making me insane

All I can say is



chorus



I tried to help you once

A kiss will only vise

I saw you going down

But you never realized

That your drowning in the water

So I offered you my hand

Compassions in my nature

Tonight is our last dance



chorus



I'm drunk and I'm feeling down

And I just wanna be alone

You shouldn't ever came around

Why don't you just go home?

Cause your drowning in the water

And I tried to grab your hand

And I left my heart open

But you didn't understand

But you didn't understand

You fix yourself



I can't help you fix yourself

But at least I can say I tried

I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I can't help you fix yourself

But at least I can say I tried

I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life



chorus x2



Papa Roach..scars i loved this when it forst came out ehn it got old because it was played so much but i still like this song

Bad Day







Had a bad day again

She said I would not understand

She left a note and said "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again.

Spilled her coffee, broke her shoelace.

Smeared the lipstick on her face.

Slammed the door and said "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again."



And she swears there's nothing wrong

I hear her playing that same old song

She puts me up and puts me on



And had a bad day again

She said I would not understand

She left a note it said, "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again."



Fuel,Bad Day this song is good also :)

Glycerine

Must be your skin that I'm sinking in

Must be for real cos now I can feel

And I didn't mind

It's not my kind

Not my time to wonder why

Everything's gone white

And everything's grey

Now you're here now you're away

I don't want this

Remember that

I'll never forget where you're at

Don't let the days go by

Glycerine



I'm never alone

I'm alone all the time

Are you at one

Or do you lie

We live in a wheel

Where everyone steals

But when we rise it's like strawberry fields



I treated you bad

You bruise my face

Couldn't love you more

You got a beautiful taste

Don't let the days go by

Could have been easier on you

I couldn't change though I wanted to

Could have been easier by three

Our old friend fear and you and me

Glycerine (repeat)

Don't let the days go by

Glycerine



I needed you more

When we wanted us less

I could not kiss just regress

It might just be

Clear simple and plain

That's just fine

That's just one of my names

Don't let the days go by

Could've been easier on you

Glycerine



*i love this song is one of the best Bush songs... well thats what i think *

What is success?...is it starting a new career and bettering your life? or could it be starting over again and changing mistakes you have made or would normally make?.. or could it be that you are jsut happy with your life with you job with your lover if you have one and even if you dont but just being happy could that be success?.. to me i think yes because for the first time ever i am truely happy i have started a new career , i am taking control over things, and making myself a better person than what i once was, i am growing and changing and getting better everyday, i am happy with my lover ,i am happy with my job, but most of all for once im finally happy with me and that the best success i have ever had or felt so in reality and honesty success is what you want it to be there is no right way to be successful you just are in your own way and at your own time.

i know how you seek attention and how you long for things that are no longer yours... i find you amuzing because you try so hard for soemthing you will never have...i am awaiting the day that you come to an end... i will laugh at your pain and smile as you fade into nothing... your not far from it so keep doing what your doing and soon you will be...you pose no threat to me not even in the smallest way ,and all of your claiming that you have made known and feed to others will end as well .. i grow sick of you and all your about i admit its amuzing ... btu im tiered of it and will not play this game for much longer because not too long from now you will cease to exsist